When To Call It Quits

Everyday I see people in various stages of aging. The weirdest part is seeing people who remind me of other people—people who are healthy but remind me of others who used to be like them, namely, healthy. Like the woman seated just ahead of me on a flight to Arizona. She’s a spunky thing in her 60’s, I’ll guess. She’s got on her hiking shirt, cargo pants, walking shoes. She’s bright, alert, and snappy with her friends. But she reminds me of another woman.

The other woman was bright, alert and snappy well into her late 70’s. She preferred comfortable slacks, camp shirts and walking shoes. She had a blueberry farm and loved her blueberries. She and her husband had been in the business for more than fifty years. Her husband was bright, alert, smiling, and accommodating of his wife’s loquaciousness and her enthusiasm for blueberries. Then, all of a sudden, in just a couple of years, she’s old: physically limited and confused. He’s confused, recently broke his hip, frail as a twig, and being consumed by prostrate cancer.  She’s aware and frustrated with her state as well as his. He’s happily demented and still smiling. She’s not.

Then there's Tony. He's 92. In the past three years he's tumbled from a spry octogenarian to a demented nonagenarian. Broken hip, broken back, now a hand infection. Each assault claiming it's pound of flesh. His wife still clings to him and holds out hope for him but she is definitely starting to recognize he's slipping away. He seems to be trying to make his exit it's just his damn heart won't cooperate.

I seriously don’t know how we approach it but there has got to be a better way.  But even if a “convenient exit” were available, how would one recognize when it’s time? How does a person know when it's not going to be fun anymore? 

What a luxury to age gracefully. What a blessing to exit quickly. I don’t mean to obsess but it's a compelling issue from my perch. I fear a future where unwanted elders outnumber unwanted children, where nursing homes vastly outnumber pre-schools, and where all there is to do is lay there and wait.