I get to see a lot of aging and elderly people in doing what I do. It is beginning to impress me that there are three common approaches people seem to have toward aging.
The first way I see is not so common but, then, not all that uncommon. It seems to affect men more often than women--- at least men seem to be more committed about the whole deal. Or maybe the term is enthusiastic. Or desperate. And the deal is this: These people seem to hit a certain point, say late fifties, early sixties, and they want to get “back in shape.” They seem to long for a return to physical pursuits from their former days; or at least those pursuits that reassure them of an intact link to youthfulness. These folks come in with sore shoulders, hips, backs, and knees. They are the guys and gals who return to the gym after a hiatus—of 20 to 30 years. They seem intent on reclaiming a physicality from their past that, more often than not, I’m pretty sure they never possessed in the first place. They lift too much, they ride too long, they run too far. They are frustrated and depressed when their boat starts to take on water.
The second group I see with some frequency is usually a little further along in life. This is the group that seems fearful and/or resigned to their lot. They feel old, they hurt, and they seem preoccupied with the fact that their ailments are a sign of advancing years and the progress of decline. They say they want to keep going but their words sound hollow and they show little interest in making the effort. They believe they are old. They don’t want it. They don’t like it. But they believe it. They seem resigned to the fury of the falls that rumble in the distance.
The third demographic is made up of people who are aging but don’t really have time to fixate on their circumstance or condition. They are busy living life. They have progressed mile by mile and continue traveling along the river with seemingly no thought toward reaching the end of the journey. It’s such an adventure they are just happy to discover what lies around the next bend in the river. As the old saying goes: They’re too busy to get old.
I don’t know what or how many variables are at work to place an individual in one category or another. I do try to pay attention to the people I meet in the last group. My family, I’m happy to report, is filled with people who populate that latter group: There’s not a lot of time to talk about aches or pains or illness. Even when physical issues interrupt the flow, the stream of life seems to remain within its banks, the rapids calm, and the ride continues. They may get wet from time to time. They may have to portage the canoe a spot or two. But the journey continues and they look forward to what’s next.
Seeing this in my family, and observing the courses that others follow, I think the secret to aging gracefully is this: Love your life and live your life. Don’t waste your time with fear. Don't waste your time wrapped-up with images, ghosts, and reflections of the past. And don’t retreat from the future. Stay in your canoe. Paddle when needed. Float when you can. But, most of all, enjoy the ride.
Lovely.
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