In a presidential election that is fueled with bullshit and hyperbole, I can almost imagine the reports that could be forth-coming:
As most Americans by now know, Texas State Fair icon Big Tex, the 52 foot tall cowboy statue that has greeted fair-goers for the past 60 years, met a fiery death on Friday. Both campaigns were quick to respond to the tragedy.
The governor's campaign was quick to state this was quite possibly the work of an al-Qaeda terrorist cell acting to strike at the heart of former President George W. Bush's home state. "Once again our President has been caught flat footed in the face of terror." From Washington, the Obama administration responded sharply that there was no evidence whatsoever that any terrorist organization of any kind was behind the tragedy. "Sure. That's what you say when you can't run on your record" an official of the Romney campaign replied when told of the president's comments.
Both camps were also quick to point out the value in the tragedy with respect to the sluggish jobs market. "This will provide real jobs for the good people of Texas. Electricians, metal workers, fiberglass fabricators. Good union jobs for good people with families" said the President in a statement released late Friday. While the governor's campaign said, "If the governor is elected, this type of thing is going to happen all the time as we rebuild a financially strong America. In his experience as a businessman, Mitt quickly came to recognize the value of utterly destroying things as the starting point to prosperity."
Meanwhile, in Texas, the former President George W. Bush was quoted as saying, "This is retribution! This is terrorist infiltration in my own backyard. This is exactly the kind of sh*t that led me into Iraq in the first place, goddammit!" Sources close to the former President reportedly had know idea what the hell he was talking about.
No comments:
Post a Comment