The High Cost of Neglect

Monday I finished out a long week on call in which an awful lot of people broke things. It's amazing how, after the storm passes I am realizing just how much the horrible events in Connecticut cast a shadow over everything else I had to do over the weekend. It all really came to light on Friday morning when I met a youngish patient with a broken leg. An emotionally crippled, substance addicted young adult with few boundaries who acted as if there was no one and nothing else in the world but him. As the weekend progressed and he continued without pause about his unmet needs, and the failure of the medical world to comfort him, it really became overwhelming. All delivered at full volume. (I was going to say all in a monosyllabic dialog but that wouldn't be accurate. He did say "fuckin'' quite a bit, too.) It was all I could do not to scream back at him.  Addicts are fascinating and exhausting in their ability to manipulate and rationalize and, with the pall of Newtown hanging overhead, he wore me down.

Walking away, however, I realize he is probably just one of a whole group of kids I see with far too great a frequency. These are the children who appear to have been conceived during random acts of passion, unwanted by unprepared parents. More and more I am getting the impression there is a very, very large population of children and adults who have been raised with no value assigned them beyond a welfare benefit. And, more and more, it appears that once the the monetary benefit has expired the child has no use to the parent. As cold hearted as that sounds I am beginning to fully believe it. These kids are given no love, no respect, no opportunity. They are dragged around like bumpers on the side of a tugboat. They are emotional cripples, bankrupt of self esteem, and left to latch on to any human being willing to show interest, even if that comes with a price tag of substance abuse, violence, and sexual abuse. Unfortunately, that may happen at any age.

I know that not every child born in poverty is unwanted and unloved. Not nearly. I hope that most are both wanted and loved. It's just that I see so many who suffer the worst type of abuse: a parent who offers no love, no emotional connection outside of anger, no investment or interest in the child's intellect or curiosity. I see the adults and kids who have been brought into the world and raised with such severe neglect and emotional deprivation and I am sad and fearful. Sad for the child and sad for my children who will have to live with these products of chronic neglect. And fearful of the impact on our society of this growing population of angry vulnerable adults with no self image an nothing to lose.