The Letter

I spent some time this weekend working on a letter of recommendation for the son of a friend who is aiming for medical school this next fall. A lot of people get these requests. I would imagine a lot of people have the stock letter on their hard drive. Just a tweak here and there and, presto! letter done.

I tend to take a bit more time than that. I have to give real thought as to how I know the person, to attempting to promote their strengths, and to avoid addressing things to which I really can't respond. For me it takes a little effort and, while I'm happy to do it, I am also left to wonder: Could you do this for your own kid? Could you write a letter to recommend a member of your family for a position of responsibility, a position that could easily evolve into one involving decisions and actions that will impact the lives of others in a real and substantive manner? Could you honestly give your own kid a letter of recommendation?

With time I have become a bit of a hardass. I tend to be critical of myself and others when it comes to evaluating performance and behavior. And when I think of the letter of recommendation process I shudder to think how many letters get kicked out every year with all the right buzz words and references; insubstantial epistles fashioned by "wordsmiths" who know exactly what to say without really knowing who they're talking about or understanding the consequences.

As for me, I'd love to be able to write a letter of recommendation for my daughter. That, in part, is just the point: I would hope that most any father or mother would be able to write a letter of recommendation for their son or daughter. I would hope that a parent would have a journal filled with examples of creative thinking, leadership skills, challenges faced and problem solving skills. I would hope a parent would be able to address their child's ability to extend compassion and understanding, their ability to sympathize and the experiences that have nurtured empathy. I can. And I take partial credit for that. And that's the other point that came to mind: If you can't, just where do we place the blame?

If you have a young child at home perhaps you should keep it in mind: Someday, you'll want to be able to write that letter on your kid's behalf. Even if it isn't allowed, it still counts.