Please, No More

I hope I'm in the majority when I say I've had enough of sex scandals. The only kind I'm really interested in are those that involve born-agains or other self-righteous bastards-- and then only if they're running for office and the expose` torpedoes their chances. Otherwise: Who gives a sh#t.

Every time a story of this nature breaks I cannot help but think of angry high school teens, heartbreak, tears, vengeance, and resolution. Drama with a capital "D" and of the cheesiest variety. That, and I have to think there just aren't enough people in this world who have either had an affair or who are willing to admit the fact.

I guess if an affair were something worthy of inclusion on a resume there would be no story. But affairs still seem to be dirty laundry. And, unfortunately for the players, we live in a time when secrets have no insulation, where a walk on the wide side has little hope of escaping an errant e-mail, cellular phone grab shot, or rant on Twitter or Facebook. Social secrets are an endangered species and still heavily hunted. And that's too bad. Exposing an affair serves no purpose for the public good. In fact, I'd argue just the opposite: Affairs are a source of public attention-- a mainline to center stage. Widespread coverage makes one think an affair is something everyone does-- especially cool people like movie stars, politicians, and high-ranking military officers.

The fact is, an affair is no one's business but the parties to the circumstance.  The media's feigned concern, the self-righteous shock, it's nothing more than a script to attract an audience. As for me, I don't want to know. The stories don't help me, they don't help the country, and they certainly aren't kind to the families left to stand stripped, battered, and bleeding on the public stage.

And, what the hell? If the subject is so fascinating, go have one. You know the old saying: Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. On the other hand, having tried it may just leave you less than fascinated and a whole lot more sympathetic to the incredibly personal-- and private-- dynamics involved.

When it comes to who's doing who, it's better just to turn to sports. Better yet, turn off the TV and go for a walk.