Full Contact Egg Hunt

I heard that some communities have been canceling their traditional Easter egg hunts due to aggressive behavior on the part of parents. This is hard to understand in our day and age.

How many communities are struggling for ways to increase revenue? How many communities are having to discontinue the annual spring Easter Egg event simply because they can't afford a few dozen eggs or so? Meanwhile, how many Americans are wrapped up in the thrill of full contact sports like cage fighting and mixed martial arts? How many Americans just sit around waiting for the next big violent sport to hit the scene? How many Americans are tired of their puny video war games, tired of virtual bombing, killing, and routine destruction via computer or TV screen?

Well, here's the answer for next year: Full Contact Easter Egg Hunts. Imagine the revenue to be reaped from pay per view. Parents and their children: Gloves off, no holds barred, kicking, hitting, tackling each other in an effort to be last one standing with the most eggs intact. Perhaps we could even use raw eggs so that they could also be used as weapons. Imagine the strategy required as a parent or child tries to calculate the benefit of firing one of his or her eggs at an opponent in an effort to capture more. And the money would just come pouring in. It could be the final chapter in the commercialization of Easter, an offering to our one true god, the almighty dollar.

Here's your chance to get in at the ground level. Hop to it.