Parental Engagement

I sat across the aisle from a mom and dad with a toddler the other night. This was during a four hour flight in a fairly well packed airplane. The poor child screamed-- screamed-- and fussed miserably for at least 2 full hours of that flight.

Now I am not one of those people who believe that small children should be carried in the baggage hold of a plane. And I am not one of those people who wants airline travel to be illegal before the age of 5-- or 16, or 20.  I'm just one of those people who feel that when a small child is having a hard time a parent needs to attend the child.

In the course of that entire flight that child was spanked once. (Just once. A momentary swat to a well padded diaper butt. I tend to think the mom had a sudden vision of her frustration and corporal reaction popping up on YouTube. And CNN. And Fox. And GMA. And the Today Show. And Dr. Phil…..) He had crackers and french fries and milk and god-knows-what in a sippy cup. He was read one short Curious George book and played for an hour or so on an iPad. He watched cartoons for a couple more. The whole time he was pushed off on one distraction after another. Each change in activity was preceded and accompanied by screaming. There was no attempt at engagement. There was no cooing and cuddling. There was no going for walks up and down the aisle-- an activity in which he showed obvious interest.

Certainly I don't know all the facts. Maybe they were on the last leg of a 17 hour journey home from South Africa. Maybe the little guy was just sick. But it strikes me that what I saw happens more commonly then not: Kids are kept busy with games and activities but are not engaged by a parent. There is no sense of the parent being involved beyond purchasing and transportation. And, believe me, I get it. It is often hard to come home at the end of the day and sit on the floor with Ev to play catch, or Uno, or to look at a book. With so many devices available today it is incredibly easy to say "watch this" or "play that."

With the wealth and means we have available it is easy to find something for a kid to do. But regardless of any device or activity, a parent must remain connected. Variety and convenience can make distraction easy. Caring and nurture will always be old-fashioned: hands on, fully engaged, and done at the expense of your own personal time.