We fell off the wagon the other night. I'm pretty sure it won't happen again.
The other night I thought it would be a good idea to return to the Ponderosa Steakhouse. That's our local buffet I've mentioned once before. I thought Ev might enjoy it and maybe he'd eat a few calories. He's smallish-- tall and thin. We found out Wednesday he's 25th percentile so my desire to give him a variety spread in the hope of having him pack in a few calories was well intended.
To our dismay and disgust the table next to us had the same idea. One difference: The man and woman seated next to us were ginormous. Worse yet, he chose a skin tight tee which allowed full inspection of his distended belly. I'm fairly sure that just by looking at this guy full-on a trained examiner would have been able to complete half a colonoscopy... the front half. And the Mrs. chose an equally comfortable pair of black knit pants which really showcased her bum-- an ass sufficient to allow one to print a topographically accurate bi-valved globe with enough detail for the vision impaired. The rest of the restaurant pretty much fit the same demographic: 60% obese, 89% overweight (a group in which I include myself) and about 10% normal weight for height.
The only really fun part was watching these two farm hands, each about 6 foot 18 inches and lean as a number 2 pencil, tee-shirts, skinny Wranglers (that still hung loose) and cowboy boots. These two had probably been out combining beans all day and they were hungry. Damn! They could stack their plates in heaps and fill 'em two or three times. Big glasses of water and big bowls of ice cream to top it all off. Wow! Breathtaking gastronomic performance and the envy of many a middle aged man.
Our plus-size neighbors, unfortunately, mimicked the every move of those 2 young boys. Two, three, four plates piled high and getting so full they were limping back up to the buffet for their encores. It turned out to be more than we could take. Those low cost high fat, salt, and sugar saturated buffets are a public hazard. They're a meth house for the food addict. Effective healthcare reform will mandate a ban on buffet restaurants.
Until that day arrives-- officially, publicly, shamefully-- we're done. Seriously. I'm pretty sure. Ev? Are you listening?
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