The Jobs Program

In a move timed to coincide with recent Labor Day weekend celebrations, a bipartisan Senate panel is planning to release details of an upcoming jobs proposal called the SPERK Program, a contraction of Spend, Eat, and Work.  Aimed at reversing stagnant growth in the U.S. job market, training centers will be set up across the country to offer training to the hundreds of thousands of unemployed.  It is expected that the project will be a partnership with key employers who forecast continuing robust demand and include representation from the dominant players in both discount retail and the fast food industry. In a statement released Friday a spokesman for the bipartisan committee remarked, "This is what we do in America better than anywhere else in the world.  This is the industry we must nurture and grow!"

Democratic members have fought hard to include a far reaching humanitarian component of the program allowing trainees to eat for free and take leftover training materials home in a move estimated to save millions in food subsidies to the unemployed. Despite strong opposition from the private sector over lost profits, it is expected the "Eat Your Way to Freedom" component of the program will survive intact.

In addition, Federal dollars will be made available to colleges throughout the nation where jobs skills are foremost in the curriculum.  Significant growth in opportunities is expected for individuals holding degrees in auto repair, property maintenance, food service, and non professional health related services. Healthcare related fields appear especially ripe for growth as most Americans can no longer afford to see a doctor and most hospitals cannot afford to pay a registered nurse. Funds will be made available for these programs by way of an innovative cost shift diverting Federal dollars from traditional 4 year colleges and universities where studies have shown students do little more than hang out, drink beer, and learn about things that have nothing whatsoever to do with getting a job.

After several days of often heated and mean spirited debate it appears the Republicans will also be able to carry forward their controversial "I'm a Winner" stimulus part of the same program. Popular among both traditional and Tea Party Republicans, the program allows any American with income in excess of $250,000 per year to be free of all income tax to better allow these individuals to do their duty and stimulate our lagging consumer economy.  It is expected Federal pressure will be placed on the states to follow suit and, in an unprecedented move, also encourage eliminating all sales tax obligations for any household with combined income in excess of $250,000 or any household, regardless of income, that can demonstrate consistent spending beyond their means over the past 12 months prior to the measure passing. It is strongly felt by both parties that, just because you can't meet your financial obligations, you shouldn't go unrewarded for the good you do as a consumer.

The president should receive the proposal this next week.  Wall Street is expected to anxiously await action on the measure. Meanwhile, Republican presidential candidates are meeting with advisors to decide who will comment first and just what should be said.

It's about jobs!