Three Rules After 50

Tell 'em I sent ya...but only if you're buying something.

Years ago, long before it had any semblance of relevance, one of my older brothers told me a joke about three rules a man over the age of 50 must always obey.  Rule number one was: Never pass up a rest area. I was able to recall this the other evening as I was embarking on a road trip and realized I should have used the restroom before I got in the car. Like a fear of stairs or shoes that don't have laces, using the bathroom before one gets in the car is a piece from early childhood that many will one-day, sooner or later, like it or not, revisit.

So far in life I've been fortunate that everything still works exactly as originally equipped. Some of those things may ache and hurt a little more than they did a couple dozen years ago, but they all work. The only medicines I take are Crestor, eye drops, and an aspirin.

That said, I left on my little road trip consciously thinking I didn't need to use a restroom before making the hour-plus drive home even though I'd been drinking coffee and coke over the past couple hours. What the heck? If needed, we have rest areas in this state. That simple act of over confidence and disregard for protocol lead to the second dilemma: Twenty minutes into the trip, okay, so I should have used the restroom before I left, but now, where do I stop? No rest area.

Panera bread shops are everywhere, have reasonably good food choices, and clean restrooms. I hadn't had dinner and so, encouraged by easy freeway access, I pulled in, parked the car, and stepped inside where I discovered I had entered through the rear door which put me right at the threshold of the men's room. Genius. So.....refreshed and ready to go, I walked along the counter, surveyed the menu, and realized I was neither hungry nor thirsty. And that led to this ridiculous dilemma (and post): is it okay to use the restroom when you're not a customer??

I always see those signs in major cities: "Restrooms are for the convenience of customers only." While the Panera store didn't have such a sign-- at least not on the entrance I used-- I still felt guilty leaving without buying; which is exactly what I did. Realizing I wasn't hungry and all I really needed was a restroom, I walked back out to my car and left. But even as I turned onto the freeway on-ramp I glanced back across the roadway wondering if I wouldn't see some guy in a Panera cap and apron, waving his fist and shouting insults at me while running toward the road.

Next time I'm in a Panera Bread store I'm going to eat. And just to make up for this last time, I'm not going to use the restroom..... unless I forgot to before I left home.