Happy Anniversary

Although they have both been gone now for over twenty years, I always remember August 1st as my parents wedding day.  In 1984 I remember celebrating their 50th.  It was an intensely hot day in Salem, Oregon where they lived.  And the ride home from the church, where a service and reception had been held, was provided via an ancient Model A Ford convertible.  My parents looked jaunty sitting in the back seat of that car dressed in vintage garb. But they also looked old and fragile as they withered with the direct sun beating down on them, stalled in traffic.

That is not the best memory.  It's good in that I think my parents were grateful and relieved to reach that milestone together owing to medical conditions and aging rather than any infirmity of their relationship. I remember, too, I thought it was a great moment for them and my family.

I liked my parents but I don't know that I learned a whole lot about a marital relationship from them, at least not that soaked in while I was living at home.  My Dad could be so very sweet and accommodating with my Mom.  He loved her dearly.  And Mom cared for Dad dearly and loved him as well although expressed somewhat differently; certainly less affectionately in my recollection.  Knowing their personalities, however, I am certain beyond a doubt they had shared the whole gamut of experience together, from youthful romance to new love and on to all the trials of raising a large family.  All the changes that come with 50 years of work and living and being together.

I think, most of all, as I look back I realize what I learned from my parents was about durability in relationships in that they are not always easy, they are not always fun, they are not always brimming with loving sentiments.  At times, I'm sure they are unpleasant. But what they are is malleable and resilient and do not bog down in the thick stuff. They remain in level flight, glued to the rails, in spite of come what may.  And, at the end of the day, a durable relationship always finds you glad to be home at the end of that day and, I'd imagine, glad that you stayed 'til the end of a lifetime. That's my guess.  That's what I remember most. And that's what I hope I've finally learned. Happy Anniversary.