Thursday I went to a couple of different bike shops out here in Phoenix where one has their choice of several fine specimens. It did not go well. I went to 3 different shops in search of a banana seat and sissy bar for my bike.
At the first, filled to the roof with 4 figure mountain bikes and road bikes weighing in at 19 pounds I didn't have the nerve to ask. Kind of like walking into a Ferrari showroom. "You wanna do what?."
At the second shop the repair guy, in his late 30's and super nice, looked at me and asked if the bike I was talking about was mine or my son's. When I answered he looked at me with a half smile that was half amused and half sympathetic and fully directed at a man he felt had pathetically lost touch. "I've never seen a guy your age ride a BMX." He went on to explain that his shop didn't have any banana seats but he recommended one that did. And then he told me where the BMX tracks were around here. He offered me the addresses on his Droid. He, in his 30's, is a BMX guy. I have to tell you, there are times at 54 I feel very close to 30. And others when I feel far removed.
The next shop was better.....and worse. "Can I help you?" Oh, crap. The "salesman" is about 14 and obviously the genuine article when it comes to BMX. I ask if they have banana seats and he shows me their selection of 5. Eureka! Then he asks me what I want it for and I explain how I have this BMX bike, a crappy cheap one, and how I want to put a banana seat on it so I can cruise around and do wheelies, and his face goes to this sickening blank. A fourteen year-old and he's freakin' speechless at this. He's looking at me and I can feel all the happy running out of my body as he calls one of the other guys over.
Guy number 2 is in his late 20's or so. He's super nice and ask's, "What can we do for you?" Meanwhile, the 14 year old is still standing there. He can't wait to see how this is going to play out. So, I explain to guy #2 that I have this crummy BMX bike and tell him about how I want to put a banana seat on the thing. His face doesn't drain of all color like mister 14 year-old. No. Instead he swallows hard and says, "Well, we'll need to have a sissy bar to attach it." He comes back a moment later with a happy look. "We've got it!" I tell him I'll be back in a flash with the bike. I'm feeling great! Screw the 14 year old.
Upon returning, tangerine bike in hand, bad news: My bike has the wrong size axles to allow the sissy bar to be attached. In short, no sissy bar, no banana seat. The 14 year old had that immediate look of relief like a 16 year old hearing his girlfriend was only "late," not pregnant. I must have looked completely demoralized: Guy #2, who it turns out, has a collection of more than 20 bikes of all types he regularly rides, asks me: "When was the last time you rode on a banana seat?" He went on to explain how they are made with a thin metal frame that runs the length of the sides of the seat and digs into your "butt bones" in an incredibly uncomfortable fashion.
Funny thing, although Mr. 14 year-old was now smirking in the distance, happy but still somewhat disbelieving of what had almost happened at his shop, guy #2's words had the ring of familiarity. I could, in truth, recall the very discomfort of that seat as it dug into my 13 year-old "butt bones" riding one for hours 6 days a week while delivering the Evening Outlook.
All in all, I guess that was a good trip to the bike shop. I'm still a little disappointed. And worried: If that 14 year-old ever catches me in public on my orange BMX bike I'm fairly certain he is going to crash my ass!
Don't give up on the banana seat or the sissy bar. You've earned it, dude.
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