License to Thrill

For the past couple of years or so I've found myself looking at BMX bikes.  Not the motorcycles but the bicycles that outlaw teens and young adults ride around the neighborhood, often in the evening hours, always en route to a trespass involving stairs, curbs, walkways and railings.  These are the direct descendants of those bikes featured in the movie E.T. all those years ago and which, even then, if you'll remember, were being used in the defiance of authority.

I've seen these bikes in bike shops and wondered, are they as much fun to ride as my old stingray? Not that I would. I mean I would be too embarrassed to even ask to slip one around the block on a quick test drive. I couldn't. Nothing is worse than watching a mature man trying to act beyond his years--- in reverse. The inverse of seeing a 15 year old smoking a cigarette. But when I was a kid I had a stingray, small s, because it was actually a look-alike made by Murray to compete with the more expensive Schwinn.  The Murray had a knobby for the back tire which definitely didn't offer the same je ne sais quoi as the Schwinn's slick.  But it was cooler than no stingray at all and I could jump curbs and do wheelies of sorts.

Unlike the old stingrays of yesteryear these BMX babies ring in at $300 - $400 min and have seats small enough to fit deep between the buns of a guy my age. Dangerous. As it turns out, however, one doesn't sit when riding a BMX bike. How, might you ask, would I know?

As much as I hate becoming that writer whose stories are forever incorporating one of his children, I'll forge ahead: Recently we were in one of those massive sporting goods stores that sells everything.  Two floors and a escalator to connect them.  They have everything from lacrosse gear to tents and fly rods. I can't even remember why we went in the first place but we quickly got busy and tried the miniature basketballs, played catch with a small football, spent 20 minutes on the indoor putting green, and then stumbled upon the bikes at which point we immediately decided Evan needed a bike for Phoenix. And there they were: BMX bikes.  And like my Murray stingray of 1966, these were affordably priced.

I still had the age and image issue to hurdle. And then fate took a hand:  Evan found a sweet little blue number with training wheels and immediately took off on a massive indoor loop of the store. What could I do?  This was a big store with multiple opportunities for a four year old to get lost or abducted. Without the least bit of embarrassment or hesitation I grabbed a tangerine orange BMX bike (clearance priced $100 off) and lit out in pursuit. I continued to pursue the little suspect for the next 15 minutes never once sitting down.

In sunglasses, a bike helmet and loose fitting clothes sometimes it's hard to tell just who it is ripping down the street on a BMX bike. One thing I need to figure out is this:  Where do I find a banana seat with a sissy bar? I can get by without a slick.