Noel

My brother Noel had a stroke today.  It’s early in the game and there is still time to look for substantial recovery—but it sucks.

I grew up in a household where my father, 48 at the time of my birth, lived the traditional 1960’s style executive life.  He was a Lutheran minister but was busy every day and most evenings.  He had services and classes and church and synod meetings, he had house calls and hospital visits.  My dad wasn’t really all that present in my life.  He was a wonderful man in so many ways but he was busy.

Noel was 10 years my senior and old enough to be a grown up in my eyes.  At the same time he was young and wild and visible and active in all the ways that made me aware of the advantages and possibilities of being an older male. I had two other brothers who were older than Noel but they were, by and large, gone and off to school by the time I was old enough to consciously observe grownup behaviors.  Dan, my other older brother was my age plus 4 and too close to offer any guidance in the ways of adult male behavior.  So it fell to Noel by default to impress me with a girlfriend, to impress me with a first car, to impress me with going away to college, and to impress me with making big decisions based on personal beliefs and commitments even when it ran contrary to the family system of beliefs. I watched Noel grow from a high school kid to a college man to a man in a life and family of his own.  And with Noel at the helm the education was frequently an entertainment.

It has taken today’s event to bring all this to mind and make me realize just what an influence he’s been.  Not to overplay it either.  I have many memories of being crashed on my bike, dumped from my wagon, having the runner in the upstairs hall pulled out from under me, sending me tumbling in space like Charlie Brown trying to kick that football—all done at his hand and for his own entertainment. 

Somehow, through all of that big brother hazing, I still looked to him as a role model and an example of how an older boy behaves.   I am happy to report I have seen the foolishness of many of his early examples and have adjusted accordingly.  That said, I’m sad to see this big brother - dad of mine suffer the indignity of neurological injury. He’s a substantial and wonderful piece of who I am and I wish I could hold him now.