From Crest to Crestor

For at least the first ten years of my life it was a nonstop battle getting me to brush my teeth after every meal.  Crest, being the toothpaste recommended by the American Dental Association, was the only product to be found in our medicine cabinets.  Not that it did any good.  It turns out you actually have to brush with the stuff a few times each day if you want the benefits.  It took me time to realize that not everyone’s teeth were paved with amalgam and that, with regular use, toothpaste and brushing can actually help prevent cavities, just like the ads said.

Forty years later and, now, no cavities for about 35 years.  The amalgams are at risk and a tooth or two has split but, hey, the Crest seems to be working as promised!

A few months ago one of my siblings had a stroke, most likely the result of high blood pressure and hypercholesterolemia.  I have a family history of both.  My mother was the culprit; she had both and carelessly passed them along to some of her brood.  And, much like the learning curve with Crest, it has taken the recent stroke to get me to realize that I, now in my mid-fifties, should probably pay heed to all those ads about cholesterol and blood pressure.

So, being the responsible adult that I am, I rushed out to get my carotids dopplered and to see my regular doctor for a checkup.  It’s been 20 years since I’ve seen him. I haven’t had a physical since grade school and my tetanus status was only 25 years out of date.  In short, it was probably time.

After all was said and done (well, it’s not all done) I am happy to know I don’t need medicine for blood pressure and my carotids remain pretty much open and tubular.  My cholesterol, on the other hand, required two additional sheets of paper to accurately calculate.  Enter Crestor.

Crestor is heralded for its ability to lower the bad stuff and elevate the good.  It is feared for its association with muscle aches and pains.  Fortunately for me I am experiencing the former with no sign of the latter.  My blood is flowing with such un-sludged efficiency that, sometimes late at night, I can hear my blood flowing like a brook babbling in the distance.  What a comfort.

To this point in life my health has followed a path from Crest to Crestor and I appear to be on the right road.  My decisions have all been reactive but well rewarded. Perhaps the day is dawning when I will choose to undertake actions on my behalf because it’s the smart thing to do and not because I witness some near tragedy.  Anyone for a colonoscopy?

Sunglasses

Friday I picked up a new pair of sunglasses.  Good ones are expensive.  And it's deceptive:  One always sees celebrities with the latest uber-cool shades in place but never see the price tag which reads, "Free."

I should be so lucky. Perks for doctors are vanishing faster than testicles in ice water.  I don't think I've seen a drug company pen or pad of paper in over a year.  Not that they were any good.  It wasn't like Hollywood perks:  The pens I received were about as far removed from a Mont Blanc as Jimmy Carter is from Paul Ryan.  There were some fun ones, though, like the Cialis pen that opened by slowly rising from its folded up position to fully erect and useable.  Clever.  Fun as it was it never prompted me to prescribe Cialis to anyone. (Wise, given my specialty is orthopedic surgery.)

I have always subscribed to the notion that a good pair of sunglasses are worth the expense.  I still do.  Unfortunately those name brand sunglasses now require even more expensive multifocal (read: bifocal) lenses.  Worse still, (vanity thy name is Mickey!) I want the tell-tale bifocal line eliminated and thus opt for the progressive lenses.

Like the new 10 speed bike I received when only in the 6th grade, I have promised I will take care of these babies.  I will not stuff them unprotected into a shirt or pants pocket, like I have been known to do.  I will not "clean" the lenses by wiping them with my shirt, or a paper towel, or Kleenex, as I've been known to do.  No, at a price somewhere north of $400, I will keep them in their case AT ALL TIMES.  I will wash them with an APPROVED SOLUTION and dry them with SPECIAL CLOTH.  And so far I have been diligent in my guardianship of these new sunglasses.  For all three days I've had them.

Remember This?

Do you have any memory of youth?  Not the kind of youth that played pick-up football games on a mud-soaked field on a Saturday morning.  Not the youth that giggled at the thought of going to a dance, let alone dancing with a girl.  Not the youth that had to sneak one of Dad's cigarettes or swipe a first can of beer.

The youth I'm talking about came years before all that.  It is the youth of discovery, faith, and joy.  It is the youth that can celebrate a cold day with a clear driveway and a tub of sidewalk chalk.  It is the youth that knew the meaning of fun: the laughter, the sheer delight, the pride, the perfect moment that is learning you can, for the first time in your almost 4 years of life, pedal your tractor all by yourself.  Did you ever?  Can you remember?